The humor thread

[claddaghlass]

Every once and a while we do need a good laugh and to share good humor we found.

Maybe we could also make a thread for funny stories as I only have a few funny pictures at the moment.

In the meantime, I present you with velcro cat!


My grandfather was famous for this in life. When I was little he'd tell me that the wind was caused by either trees sneezing or because it was so hot in Death Valley.

The cartoon is Pickles by Brain Crane.

[GypsyMoon]

;D LOL

[claddaghlass]

Non-Sequitor by Wiley Miller


Being a Star Trek fan this made me crack up.

[claddaghlass]

I hope these two make you all smile the way they did for me.

[GypsyMoon]

[claddaghlass]

I've seen some of those before. It's funny how our minds almost automatically go to the skull or the first thing we see before we start to pick out the other little details.

[angelica777]

I love velcro cat!

[claddaghlass]

Jane Austen's Fight Club.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=r2PM0om2El8

Is it wrong that I laughed? ....A lot?

[GypsyMoon]

Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70!

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

3. No one expects you to run--anywhere.

4. People call at 9 pm and ask, did I wake you?

5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

7. Things you buy now won't wear out.

8. You can eat supper at 4 pm.

9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.

10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

13. You sing along with elevator music.

14. Your eyes won't get much worse.

15 . Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

19. You can't remember who sent you this list.

And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.

Forward this to every one you can remember right now!
And Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

[GypsyMoon]

In the
1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed
to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb.
Hence we have 'the rule
of thumb'
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Many years ago in
Scotland , a new game was invented.. It was ruled 'Gentlemen
Only....Ladies Forbidden'.. .and thus, the word GOLF entered
into the English language.
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The first couple to
be shown in bed together on prime time TV was Fred and Wilma
Flintstone.
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Every day more money
is printed for Monopoly than the U.S.
Treasury.
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-- ------------ --------- --------
Men can read smaller
print than women can; women can hear better.
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Coca-Cola was
originally green.
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It is impossible to lick
your elbow.
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The State with the
highest percentage of people who walk to work:

Alaska
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The percentage of
Africa that is wilderness:

28% (now get this....)
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The percentage of
North America that is wilderness:

38%
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The cost of raising
a medium-size dog to the age of eleven:

$ 16,400
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------
The average number
of people airborne over the U.S. in any given
hour:

61,000
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Intelligent people
have more zinc and copper in their hair..
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------
The first novel ever
written on a typewriter,

Tom Sawyer.
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The San Francisco
Cable cars are the only mobile National
Monuments.
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Each king in a deck
of playing cards represents a great king from history:

Spades - King David

Hearts - Charlemagne

Clubs -Alexander,
the Great

Diamonds - Julius
Caesar
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111,111,111 x
111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987, 654,321

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------
If a statue in the
park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air,
the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in
the air, the person died because of wounds received in battle.
If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died
of natural causes
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------
Only two people
signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4, John Hancock
and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but
the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
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Q. Half of all
Americans live within 50 miles of what?

A. Their birthplace
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Q. Most boat owners
name their boats. What is the most popular boat name
requested?

A.
Obsession
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Q.. If you were to
spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you
would find the letter 'A'?

A. One
thousand
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------
Q. What do
bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser
printers have in common?

A. All were invented
by women.
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------
Q. What is the only
food that doesn't spoil?

A.
Honey
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Q. Which day are
there more collect calls than any other day of the
year?

A. Father's
Day
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---
In Shakespeare's
time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes.
When you pulled on the ropes, the mattress tightened,
making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the
phrase...'Goodnight , sleep tight'
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It was the accepted
practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the
wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with
all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because
their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the
honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.
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In English pubs, ale
is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England , when
customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them 'Mind
your pints and quarts, and settle down.'

It's where we get
the phrase 'mind your P's and Q's'
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Many years ago in
England , pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or
handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill ,
they used the whistle to get some service. 'Wet your whistle'
is the phrase inspired by this practice.
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At least 75% of
people who read this will try to lick their
elbow!
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Don't delete this
just because it looks weird. Believe it or not, you can read
it.

I cdnuolt blveiee
taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The
phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at
Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the
ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the
first and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a
taotl mses and you can still raed it wouthit a porbelm. This
is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by
istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?
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YOU
KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2010 when...

1. You accidentally
enter your PIN on the microwave.

2. You haven't
played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list
of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of
three.

4. You e-mail the
person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for
not staying in touch with friends and family is that they
don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in
your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is
home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial
on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen

8. Leaving the house
without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first
20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic
and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in
the morning and go on line before getting your
coffee

11. You start
tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12 You're reading
this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you
know exactly to whom you are going to forward this
message.

14. You are too busy
to notice there was no No. 9 on this list.

15. You actually
scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a No. 9 on this
list ;D

[claddaghlass]

A doctor in Dublin wanted to get off work and go fishing, so he approached his assistant. 'Murphy, I am going hunting tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all me patients'.

'Yes, sir!' answers Murphy.

The doctor goes fishing and returns the following day and asks: 'So, Murphy, how was your day?'

Murphy told him that he took care of three patients. 'The first one had a headache so he did, so I gave him Paracetamol.'

'Bravo Murphy lad, and the second one?' asks the doctor.'

The second one had indigestion and I gave him Gaviscon, so I did sir' says Murphy.

'Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?' Asks the doctor.

'Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door flies open and a young gorgeous woman bursts in so she does. Like a bolt outta the blue, she tears off her clothes, taking off everything, lies down on the table, and shouts: 'HELP ME for the love of St Patrick! For five years I have not seen any man!''

'Tunderin' lard Murphy, what did you do?' asks the doctor.

'I put drops in her eyes!'

[claddaghlass]

I don't know why but this is one teed off kitty cat.

[GypsyMoon]

Yes it true Scottish men have the whitest arses in the world,.. But nice legs LOL

[claddaghlass]

It does answer that question...

I've gown the answer for years but it never ceases to amuse me how many people come up and ask me the question.