Forgivness.

[GypsyMoon]

Robi Ludwig a psycho therapist for Entertainment tonight.
Was saying that forgivness is healthy and we need to forgive.
She was reponding to John Edwards wife talking a little bit about learning to go on after the notorious affair her husband did and cheated on her publicly. I on the other hand I believe that moving forward and picking up the pieces from a horrible experiance like "rape" or Abuse" or being cheated on <-- I still consider that abuse btw. Is different then forgiving.
I can never forget the horrors I have been through. I carry scars to this day emotionally and physically. I have "Made peace" with what has happened and moved on. But I believe that forgiving a person who brutally abused you. Is asking to much. In a way I am broken I will never be what is considerd normal. Due to the fact every action has a reaction and a set of events that follow.
That is life. I can move on pick up the pieces and deal with it because 'I am better then the abuse or my abuser'. But I will never be the same and because of that. I will never have ultimate "Forgivness"for my abusers.. What about children who was burned or beaten or scared by there parents. Or wifes who get abused or raped. Can we forgive? Or better yet does that attacker/abuser deserve forgiveness? Or is this more politcally correct Zen BS that the US has taken hold of?

[claddaghlass]

That is a good question.

In some ways I'll always be a product of what my ex-boyfriend did to me.

My Dad has always said "forgiveness is making it so that the person who wronged you has no more power over you."

I can see where he's coming from but in some circumstances the individual will always have power over you. Some things just never leave.

Some things are easily forgiven while some just can't be done.

There's really no clear and easy answer to your question. It can be argued from all sides with an assortment of answers. There is no right or wrong answer.

This'll be absolutely no help at all but it really comes down to the individual person.

[GypsyMoon]

I agree there are many ways to look at this. Also religion states we must forgive to be forgived. It just seems like for me "forgivness would be allowing it to happen again" if you know what I mean? Like putting your gaurd down in a way?.

[claddaghlass]

I can see where you're coming from.

As for the question, I'm torn.

I understand what you mean as I've been kicked in the head by a stranger for no reason. I have trouble with the opposite sex and feeling comfortable near them physically. So yes, my guard was always up, sometimes still is to keep it from happening again. I throw up that barrier to keep them from getting too close. I don't do it as much but I do with strangers.

I'm in the same boat, different decks there with you. ((I invented a phrase! Yay! ))

Letting one's guard down can be quite a frightening thing too. It leaves us open and vulnerable which is something no one wants to feel. We have to trust our gut and instincts and hope that we're right.

I feel that they are connected but at the same time I'm trying in my mind to seperate them.

[GypsyMoon]

this is true.

[angelica777]

I'm in the same boat, different decks there with you. ((I invented a phrase! Yay! ))

This is a good one, Erin!! heeheehee!!

[angelica777]

My children's father left me with emotional scars after ten years of cheating, lying etc.. It was always a cycle of drinking, cheating, DWI's. When he couldnt lie his way out and twisitng things around to being my fault somehow, the good behavior followed, lasting for a little while. I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak. I loved this man with every thing I had and ended up a basketcase with no self esteem or ability to trust. Thankfully, there was no physical abuse. I ended up angry, bitter and unhappy after the break up, custody battles etc... What hurt more than everything he did to me, took a fast second place to the pain I saw in my children's eyes, as they were in the middle of all the mess created by their dad and I. In the end, I was as angry with myself as I was with him. Foe me to heal and get on with my life, I asked God to help me forgive him and myself. I had to do it over and over, out loud and with others , breathing out the nasty, a little more each time. In the end, I forgave my ex, prayed for him too. That was hard! My faith in God, helped me overcome something too big for me alone. I was able to shuck off the anger and fear. I started enjoying life more and I think I became a better person. Those painful times helped me learn and gave me tools to help myself and others. BUT, while I forgave him, it was mainly for myself and the kids. Make no mistake, I did not feel warm and fuzzy toward Romeo afterward everything was said and done. I did not love him or even LIKE him a little bit. The great thing was that bit by bit I freed myself by the ACT of forgiveness. This was my experience. Everyone's experience is is different, with differing spiritual views. Greater degrees of trauma take lots of time, energy and outside support to even marginally heal and overcome, if ever. Before ditching the concept of forgiveness, it maybe worth a try. The abuser isnt concerned with your welfare, its an act of letting go, for YOU..... thats my two cents, for what its worth. {{{hugs to all}}

[GypsyMoon]

Good thoughts Angelica. Takes alot of courage and faith to forgive, For me I just cannot.

[angelica777]

Dec 18, 2010 14:30:19 GMT -5 GypsyMoon said:

Good thoughts Angelica. Takes alot of courage and faith to forgive, For me I just cannot.

Gyspy, sweet, I havent walked in your shoes. I knew when i wrote about my experience that you had experienced things no one should ever have to. I didnt want to sound trite, but probably did. If I could have one wish, for you it would be freedom.